Perfect
by djchika
Summary: Sequel of sorts to Fallen Angels


Title: Perfect  
Author: djchika  
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made  
  
Perfect. No other word for it. Today is going to be absolutely perfect.  
  
I stare at the world outside my window and I can't help but smile at the scene it makes. Blue skies, green grass, warm weather, birds chirping joyfully in the background. Whatever more could you want for your wedding day?  
  
Yup. I, Cordelia Chase, am going to get married today. Today is the day of my wedding. I shall get married on this very day. Amazing how after an extended engagement, after weeks of worrying and preparations, I still can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that I'll be married in just a couple of minutes.  
  
I turn away from the window and move towards the full length mirror beside it. There I am, the soon to be no longer Cordelia Chase. The perfect bride.  
  
Critical, trained eyes survey my body. The white gown that I'm wearing is simple yet tasteful. Custom made in France of course. What else would anyone expect? The perfect bride with her perfect custom made gown from France. Like Barbie on her wedding day, except for the whole blonde thing.  
  
I lift my hand to my hair and twirl a long dark lock around my finger. My hair, made perfect by constant salon care, had been curled and left down leting it fall naturally down my shoulders. My expertly made up face done by the same people who makes me look like the perfect TV star that I am everyday.   
  
Once more, my eyes trail over my body looking for imperfections. It's like looking for a flaw in the Mona Lisa. There's none. I am the perfect bride, with the perfect wedding on the perfect day.   
  
I wonder why I don't feel perfect.  
  
Walking away from the mirror my eyes roam around my designated room. It looks like something straight out of "Perfect Homes". The furniture ranges from the new to the antique, the carpet soft and plush and homey touches are placed here and there. The perfect room. It's what I've always wanted, isn't it? To have the perfect job, with the perfect husband in the perfect mansion. And Cordelia Chase always gets what she wants.  
  
Ever want to change your mind but realize that it was too late?  
  
The soft knock on the door startles me out of my somber mood and I easily shift back to the person I am expected to be. It wouldn't be good for the perfect bride to feel anything but perfect.  
  
"Come in."  
  
The door opens and Fred walks inside looking like the perfect Maid of Honor. Her hair, piled on top of her head with soft tendrils framing her face, makes the naturally pretty pysicist look absolutely stunning.  
  
"Hi! Everything okay? I think we'll be starting soon."   
  
I give her what I hope is a nervous and excited smile. For the first time in five years my acting classes fail me. Her eyebrows draw forward and a slight frown creases her face. Knowing what's to come I answer her question before she can ask.   
  
"I'm fine, Fred." Wrong choice of words. She opens her mouth, no doubt to ask me if I really was fine but I beat her to it once more. "I'm just a little nervous. Pre-wedding jitters and all that." The lying becomes easier once you've been doing it a couple of years.  
  
Taking my word for it but still not quite trusting me she turns to the mirror on the vanity and starts fiddling with her hair. I catch a glimpse of her reflection and I can see the uncertainty in her eyes. Uncertainty coupled with concern and a touch of guilt. The uncertainty and concern is an ever present emotion but the guilt is new. Guilt for talking to Angel, guilt for keeping it from me.  
  
Wesley, Gunn and Fred think I don't know that she had talked to Angel when we were shopping for my dress for the engagement party. They think it's their little secret. A secret they're valiantly trying to keep to protect the fragile world I had created for myself from shattering. To protect me from breaking.   
  
I know I should feel mad, the old Cordy would have, but I'm not the old Cordy and I'm not mad, not at all. Maybe it's because I trust Fred, Gunn and Wes. Maybe it's because I know they'd never do anything to hurt me intentionally. Or maybe, it's because I just can't bring myself to care anymore. Maybe that's the reason I didn't even try to find out what Fred and Angel had talked about.  
  
Shifting slightly I let my eyes roam the room once more. Like a moth to a flame my eyes land on a porcelain figure of a little boy riding a horse on the bookshelf across the room. It reminds me of a baby that would have been the same age as the little procelian boy seems to be. It reminds me of a time when all was well, and all was perfect, the way perfect should be. Me, Angel and-  
  
The door to that memory locks shut even before I could raise my hand to attempt to open it. I can't allow myself thoughts of him, of Angel, of the life I used to lead. That was the past and there's no use dwelling on it.  
  
A second knock on the door provides a desperately needed distraction. If I spend too much time immersed in my thoughts, I might never get out.  
  
"You two ladies, ready?" Gunn. It was time.  
  
Excitement and dread course though me, making my heart beat a little faster. Turning to Fred, I give her another smile. It was a little more geniune this time. "What do you think? Are we ready?"  
  
Giving me a once over, Fred checked and double checked. Finally she gives a nod of approval. "Definitely."   
  
Glancing at the mirror one last time, one last look at Cordelia Chase, I follow Fred out the door. Show time.  
  
Gunn whistles at us appreciatively the second he sees us. "Damn."  
  
Playfully smacking him on the shoulder Fred rolls her eyes at him. "I thought you said you were going to be a perfect gentleman?"  
  
I cringe at the word but don't let them notice. It's refreshing seeing Gunn and Fred together. It was simple with them, innocent... perfect. The way it was supposed to be.  
  
Gunn offers his arm to me and I take it. "See?" He asks, giving Fred a pointed look. "Perfect gentleman."  
  
"What about me?" Fred asks a pout on her face.  
  
Smiling, Gunn offers his other arm to her. "Two gorgeous women on my arms, you see me complaining?"   
  
Making small talk with Fred, Gunn walks us out the house and towards the set up on the shadier side of the lawn. I wasn't able to see the way the had set up the lawn from my window but now I could see that it was absolutely beautiful. It was-  
  
"It's perfect," I heard Fred breath.  
  
Immediately the burden of my earlier thoughts comes crashing back. Here, outside, with the whole scene splayed out infront of me, what I'm about to do seems a lot more real.  
  
Gunn leads us to the tent where Wes and the rest of the entourage was waiting. "Here ya go, Wes." Gunn squeezes my hand before letting me go. "See you in an hour." He gives me a kiss on the cheek, looking like very much like the proud older brother. Fred gives me a careful hug making sure not to wrinkle my perfect wedding dress. I give them both a small smile before they leave to take their places.  
  
Alone with Wesley I summon all my acting skills and will myself to seem like I was just nervous about the wedding. It doesn't fool Wesley either, I always thought he was too damn perceptive.  
  
"Are you okay?" He asks forcing me to look him in the eye.  
  
Going on automatic pilot I give him a smile identical to the one I gave Fred in the bedroom. "Pre-wedding jitters."  
  
A nod. Welsey knows there's no way I'm going to give.   
  
The first notes of the wedding march begin, and on cue, pair by pair the entourage walks down the aisle until it's finally our turn.   
  
I can feel Wesley's eyes on me but I ignore it, and take his arm instead. Taking a deep breath I almost start walking but the soft sound of Wesley's voice stops me.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
The question catches me off guard and I turn my head to look at him. The look in his eyes, the look that just screamed that he knew that I was making a mistake made me almost want to run. Run away from my perfect wedding, from my soon to be perfect husband, from my soon to be perfect life.   
  
But I won't. Running away isn't my style, it never was. I give him a nod, not trusing myself to do anything else. He lets out a small sigh and although I know it's against his better judgment he leads me down the aisle.  
  
The ceromony was perfect, the priest was perfect, and everything was just so goddamned perfect.  
  
Finally it drew to an end. Not needing to read from his Bible, the priest turns to the groom to ask from him the vow that would make all of this final.  
  
I've know the words by heart since I was nine, since after the first time I attended a wedding, specially the last part. "...For as long as you both shall live?" AKA 'Till death do you part'. Whatever happened to forever?  
  
My soon to be husband turns to me, love shining thorugh his eyes, piercing my soul with its perfection.  
  
"I do."  
  
It was the perfect moment.   
  
For someone else.   
  
I stare into the eyes of the perfect man, and I hate myself for not being able to love him as perfectly as he loved me. I hate myself for being a flaw in an otherwise perfect world.   
  
The priest stops speaking once more, letting me know it's my cue to answer. To let the perfect marriage begin.  
  
But not yet.   
  
For one painful moment I allow the perfection to shatter. Soft blonde hair darkens to a shade that matches my own dark locks and warm brown eyes turns a color so intense it takes my breath away every time I see it.   
  
It hurts me, and it'll hurt him if he finds out, but I don't care.   
  
For that one second I just let myself pretend, and hope, and hurt, and love. I let myself feel the imperfection that is my love for a vampire, a vampire that could never love me back.  
  
For that one second, I allow myself to forget perfection. For that one brief second. Just before I say the perfect words.   
  
"I do."  
  
End. 


End file.
